Give Up Forever
by Scared to tell
Summary: It's been awhile. What will happen now that Spike's leaving Wolfrom? Will he find Buffy?
1. Starting Anew

Give Up Forever  
  
Chap 1: Starting Anew  
  
Putting his bag down on the curb, he waited for one of Wolfrom's employees to bring his new 'gift' to him. Angel told him it was in the form of a 1973, all black, Ford Mustang; not that it mattered. All he cared about was if it would drive or not when he needed it to. When he voiced his opinion to Angel, all he replied with was that it would run, and maybe do a little more. Spike figured out this meant that his 'boss' had it equipped with extras. He'd find those out later though, when he was bored and on his way to Sequoia or somewhere.  
Pulling out his worn cigarette packet, he looked back on the building behind him with a sense of longing. He wanted so badly to go back into it, to see everyone for one last time, for someone to tell him he didn't have to leave. Turning his head back to the street, he pulled out a cig. Nothing could change what needed to happen. It was time for him to leave. Angel and his crew just weren't fitting with him right. Oh, he loved them all in their own special ways, even Harmony when she was quiet, but he just couldn't take it any more. He had to go and be on his own for awhile. To go see where this new 'gift' would lead him.  
Placing the fag in his mouth and cupping his hand for the flame, Spike watched as people walked down the sidewalk: couples holding hands, a mother walking a stroller, a business man in a suit, and teenagers, all talking on phones. Breathing in the smoke into his useless lungs, he surveyed them. Watching as they milled about in their own little worlds, oblivious as to what he was and what was in the building behind them. God save them all.  
A roar of an engine and a sleek beam of headlights told Spike that his ride was arriving. 'Really pulled out the big ones with this one, huh boss?' he thought. The car was all black. Someone wasn't even able to see the body unless they noticed the chrome hubcaps or the lights of the city reflecting off the paint. Even the windows were tinted so dark that his vampyric sight had a hard time making out the human driving it. As it pulled up to where he was standing, he dropped the last of his cig and stomped it out with his boot. 'Time to do some damage.' ______________________________________  
She looked out over the harbor. Portland was quiet, calm tonight. Sitting on her balcony, she pulled her fleece blanket tighter around her built frame. Staring into the water, mindlessly watching the fishing boats pass by, she gave herself time; time to wind down from her ever building day.  
Ever since that bus had started back up on the ruined highway, on it's way to the closest form of civilization, Buffy had just stared in awe. As she had looked back at the gaping hole, all she could think about was him. All she saw, in her dreams that followed, in the faces of friends, was him. That perfectly scarred eyebrow; that half quirked smirk that got her mouth watering; and the shape of his mouth when he pursed his lips, just before he would say something that would either piss her off, or turn her on.  
Since that life altering day, she had gained pounds. She wasn't allowing herself to become obese or anything, but for once, she had the option of relaxing, indulging. And indulging a lot had brought her curves. Curves that she at first was fascinated by. When she looked in the mirror, she didn't see a teenager, or a growing girl, she saw a woman. And at the ripe, young age of 27, she should have. She had also changed her demeanor. She no longer focused on perfect makeup. If one day she woke up and decided to wear eyeliner with shadow and gloss, that was fine. But she had stopped doing the full throttle, deciding that with no body to impress, she didn't need to.  
Her days were now filled with more important things than just the need to kill and sleep, eat and fight. She now had a full time job. With the financial gain she had been able to acquire through the amazing skills of Willow's hacking abilities, she had developed a nice cushion to plant herself down. She had decided to do that in Portland. She had never been there before, and was once told that it was the quietest, most beautiful urban area she could find. After taking care of both Dawn's college fund for UCLA, and her new apartment on the bay, she found that she had had more money than she first realized.  
Taking time to talk it through with Giles and the rest of the Scoobies, she had started her own business, Slayers Inc. A shelter and investigation center that treated humans and non-humans alike. Getting some advice from Angel, she had conversed with Xander, and decided that they'd both help co-manage the bustling organization. He needed something that wouldn't have put him in an environment where he wasn't able to know everything going on around him, and she needed to do something stable. Going into service for the community together just seemed like the right thing to do at the moment. And it turned out to be one of the fastest growing investigations team in the state. Truth be told, they were serving more demons and teletransporting beings than anything else, but hey, they were an untapped resource for business. All Buffy had to do nowadays was come into the office every morning, check in on things, talk to some of the new clients, and leave after 2. Then she would have to go investigating with her teams on the cases, but most of them only involved cracking down on some illegal paranormal activity, or fixing a dispute over kittens and poker tables. Xander was the one who oversaw all the legal work, the finances, and which cases they would take or turn down. Buffy had been able to recruit so many slayers into the business that over half of her investigating teams were slayers. They had three teams of four, just in case. Otherwise, the young women were typing and filing documents, or delving into the new clients, to check to see what needed to be done.  
Opening her eyes back to her present, she was quick to find out how tired she was, more than she thought, and slowly got up from her heavily cushioned lounge chair. Opening the sliding doors to her bedroom, she closed the balcony and bay behind her. Throwing the fleece blanket onto the bed for extra warmth, she quickly jumped under the covers, and closed her eyes, praying for sleep.  
  
Finding that he was closer now to northern California than he thought, he pulled off the highway at the closest possible exit. It was going to become dawn soon and he needed to stop driving anyway. He was getting sick of seeing cigarette packets and beer bottles litter the leather interior of the sleek Mustang. He'd clean it out later, after he slept and had watched a late rerun of 'Passions'.  
Checking into the closest hotel, which just happened to be named 'Sunrise Palace', he quickly climbed into the elevator to go up to his floor. Cursing his electronic key, he was finally able to open his room after 4 tries. 'Bloody technology.' Throwing it onto the nearest table, he flopped down on the bed without even caring if his boots were on. He had, after all, slept in a crypt only a couple of years before.  
Getting back on his feet almost instantly, he pulled the drapes closed, happy that there was a thick, heavy curtain. Going back to the edge of the bed, he changed his mind and took off his boots. His pants, shirt, and duster followed. Not having to worry about boxers or briefs, he slipped between the sheets. Smirking, he thought of what some women would think if they knew that he always went commando. His smirk quickly turned into a heavy sigh as his thought drifted to her. He hadn't allowed himself to think about her in, what? Two weeks. That was better than all his other records put together. She was one of the reasons as to why he went off on his own in the first place. While working with Angel, he told his old sire that he didn't want to know anything about her. He didn't want to know where she was or what she was doing. He needed to get her out of his system, even if it meant cutting himself off from all that he knew. He didn't care where he was headed now, as long as it took him away from the risk of seeing her. Believing that as long as he was with Angel, there would always be a risk of her coming to see him. He couldn't have that. After all that had happened with them, he believed that it would be best if he let her live her life as she needed to, without him and all the pain that he caused her.  
Smiling, he let himself think of her. 'Just this once, then I'll start that record back up again.' He thought of the way she walked with a little sway in her hips, as if she didn't even know she was doing it, which she probably didn't. How her hair glistened in the moonlight, under the lamps in her living room, or in the indirect sunlight that would sometimes filter through the windows of her house. He loved it when he had been able to catch her during those rare moments, the rare moments of the daytime. Closing his eyes, he let himself dream of her telling himself that he would indulge himself one more time. 


	2. Dreaming of You

Chap 2: Dreaming of You  
  
She was walking, noticing quickly that it was freezing. It was pitch black dark, but she was strangely able to notice every detail in the stone walls around her. She even could see water trickling down one of the bricks. What is going on? Where the hell am I?= Looking around, she surmised that she was probably in the basement of somewhere, and that there was a staircase to her right. Figuring that she had no other choice, she went and followed it. That=s when she looked down and became confused. She wasn=t wearing anything from this century. She regarded the plain white dress she was wearing. It bunched at the bust, as if there was a thread holding it together under the fabric. Right under her chest, the material flowed out, not dramatically, but just enough so that it swayed whenever she took a step. I would have preferred a light blue or something, but hey, it doesn=t look too bad from here...= Looking back up the stairs, she followed the winding staircase, with it=s stone walls, to the floor above her. He was standing in the hallway of a castle. Had he been here before? It sure as hell seemed like it. Searching his surroundings, he figured he was somewhere in southern France, according to the crest that was hanging from the ceiling above his head. When was the last time I was in southern France?= he asked himself. Thinking hard, he remembered a time when he had had a fight with Dru, Angel and Darla. He had decided to flee the country, and had boarded the first ship overseas that he could get onto. It just happened that he had gotten onto one that was headed for Provence. But that was during the 19th century. He hadn=t thought about that in decades, so why was he here now? Sighing, he again looked around, and picked up on something. Not just something, a scent, her scent. ANo.@ He said out loud. She couldn=t be here. She had not even been born yet. Hell, her ancestors hadn=t even been born yet. The current slayer for the beginning of the 19th century was in India. So why was she here? Following the aroma, he walked down the hall.  
  
She had reached the top of the stairs and heard...footsteps. Shit.= Here she was, in an unfamiliar castle-thing, not knowing if she was even in the right country, and someone was here also. Quickly searching for a place to hide, she ducked into a doorway, and pushed the wooden door separating her from the room of her escape. Stepping into the room backwards, keeping an eye on the hallway, she quietly closed the door in front of her. Turning and leaning against it, she dropped her jaw as she saw what she had stepped into. Does Sleeping Beauty live here or something?= The room was bathed in moonlight. A wood pine canopy bed with white, gauzy silk was covering the bed from the ceiling high posts to the stone floor. Across from the bed was a chest of drawers, made from the finest oak she had ever seen. Xander, in all his days of woodcarving glory, hadn=t even been able to put out anything this fine. It seemed to ripple right under the white light, as if it was magically enhanced. Glancing straight forward, she saw a set of windows, 4 feet tall, 8 feet wide. Under them sat a long, cushioned bench as to which someone could sit and see the world outside. Using what common sense she could muster after the shock from the room itself, she deducted that this enchanted haven belonged to a woman, maybe someone even in her age area. Pulling herself together, she heard the footsteps growing louder. They seemed to walk right past her door, making Buffy hold her breath. As they continued, she slowly let it out, making the feminine gesture of putting her hand to her chest. However, she was quickly pulled out of her salvation as the door behind her pushed her forward, making her stumble and grab onto one of the wooden bed posts.  
  
He knew she was somewhere close, her scent was stronger here. Retracing his steps, he noticed that he had walked past a door. It seemed to be the only explanation, so he grabbed the knob. Pushing the door, he realized that something was leaning into it. Putting more force into his shoulder, he forced the door to open, and there she stood, an angel holding onto the canopy bed. His undead heart squeezed itself hard.  
  
No= she thought. It couldn=t be him. He was dead. And she usually didn=t dream of him at all. She didn=t allow herself. It hurt too much. And, boy, does seeing him right now hurt.= Her throat constricted instantly at the memory of seeing him last. Looking at her made his mouth water, his ears ring, and made him want to fall to his knees in forgiveness of leaving her, of never telling her how he thought about her every week of every day of every second of every moment. He slowly closed the door behind him, walking as best as he could remember how.  
She was still tightly gripping the bedpost, as that was all that was holding her up. Nothing else in her body seemed to know what it needed to do. Her head was screaming that it wasn=t possible; her heart was trying to beat itself out of her; her mouth started to salivate at the sight of him; and her legs definitely didn=t want to hold her up, they wanted his arms to do it for her. He reached her, not sure of what he should do or say. He didn=t want to blurt out anything that might scare her or piss her off, so all that came out was a gurgled sound. Great, mate, you=re a fucking Grartny demon now.= Realizing his hand was moving, he watched as it paused above her cheek, as if it was afraid it might burn. She was losing it. Touch me! Touch me touch me touch me.= She moved her face closer to his hand, and they both sighed at the contact. ASpike.@ she sighed. Swallowing hard, he licked his lips. ABuffy, I...@ AAllez, allez! Je pense qu=ils sont en le chambre a la gauche.@ Shit= thought Spike. They obviously weren=t here alone. They seemed to be the intruders at this chateau and it sounded like someone had sent out the guards. His eyes met with Buffy=s. She looked confused. Of course she=s confused you idiot. She doesn=t understand french.= ABuffy, we need to move, there are people in this castle with us...@ Bam! The wooden door was thrown open, and there stood a french castle guard. Spike dropped his hand and stepped away, looking at the guard. AMadame, qui est cette person?@ Spike looked confused, this guard was talking to Buffy as if he knew her. ASpike, what=s he saying? What=s going on?@ Buffy looked confused, yet her stance was prepared for a fight. She didn=t know what was going on either. Spike cleared his throat. He wasn=t that great at french, hell the last time he had spoken it was over 100 years ago, but he needed to find out what was going on. ABonjour, je suis Anglais et un ami du....Madame. Je pardon pour....@ He wasn=t able to finish his sentence because suddenly the french solider grabbed his arm and swung him towards the door. ASpike!@ Buffy yelled. She had no idea what was going on, but if this french asshole was going to take Spike away from her, she was going to fight. ABuffy!@ Spike was struggling against his holder, pushing his feet against the floor and...waking up. What? What the hell was that?=  
  
She woke screaming his name. The dream she had just experienced seemed anything but. It had a sharp clarity to it that scared her from the realness of it. She had been able to feel the coolness radiating off the stones from the walls. She had been able to feel the roughness of the wooden door as she rested against it and the smell of the fresh blooms from outside as a breeze had wafted through. But nothing was as vivid or as clear as the feel of his callused hand against her cheek. Suddenly her throat started to constrict, tighten. Her eyes burned to the point of pain. Her fists bunched up in her sheets fighting back what was about to happen. She gritted her teeth, prepared for what was going to come, and...cried. 


	3. Crash Course

Chapter 3: Crash Course  
  
He felt as though he was trapped in his hotel room. Questions kept on pounding his head from all angles. Why was his dream so distinct? So real? And why had he been able to smell her? His senses weren=t that enhanced for him to be able to use them in his dreams. And he could have sworn that she had a slight salt water scent that had clung to his hand after he touched her. She hadn=t been wet, so swimming was out of the question, and that chateau was not near the river, so what the hell? Checking the window, he grabbed his jacket, keys, cigs, and wallet, and headed out. Deciding that he needed to see her, to breathe her in, he walked to the door. He wouldn=t touch her, or let her know he was there with her, he would just look and leave. He got into his car, ready to leave this town, to go somewhere...somewhere near the sea.  
  
Rubbing her eyes, she padded across the plush, white carpet to her kitchen. Mmm, coffee. Coffee good.= Not only was she drowsy from not being able to sleep after her dream, but she needed something that would knock her into sensibility. Nothing seemed different in the world around her. She could still hear her next door neighbor=s cat mewing outside on the balcony; she could hear her TV reporting about the latest killings; and boats in the harbor were coming and going as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. But something had changed since last night. She could feel an emotional tug, like she had gained something, she just didn=t know what. Hearing the coffee pot sputter the last of the coffee into the container, she quickly made herself a cup and got ready for work.  
  
Wearing a skirt and blouse, she sat behind her desk, looking down at a new client=s folder that had been dropped off by her secretary earlier. She had to work overtime today since they had caught a computer virus and all of their electronic files had been destroyed. She hadn=t planned on working until 6, but they needed her help in refiling everything. The folder she was looking at currently contained a client who=s reason for needing help was that there were bounty hunters out for him. He, the client, was a Kugharf demon. The species was renowned for its ability to do magic. A deal with someone had gone sour and Jurod, the demon in question, had fled, scared of what would happen. So, now, Jurod needed protection and he had asked for it from Slayers Inc. Buffy was going to give it to Xander=s department for financial and past investigations. She sent a memo out with the folder saying to investigate who the other person in the deal was and Jurod=s history. They needed to know everything about the demon, good and bad. Standing up, she put the folder outside on her secretary=s desk, getting ready to finish her day. Slinging her purse onto her shoulder, she walked out of the building. She slid into her Honda, and pulled out onto the freeway. Turning up the volume on her radio, she tuned out everything but the breeze blowing through the windows and the beat of the music pouring through the speakers. She closed her eyes for just a second, breathing in the moment. The next thing she knew, the front end of her Honda Civic was crushed under the back end of a black Mustang. Holy shit.=  
  
He had been driving for hours, ever since he left the hotel early in the morning. Hauling his ass from one end of a state to another, he finally ended up in Oregon. He figured he would go and cruise the west coast first. Stopping at every major port on the way, he wasn=t able to force himself to discontinue his journey. He wasn=t able to feel her in any of his stops. So he continued, hoping that he didn=t need to go to the east coast to find her. Driving down the interstate, he was thrown into a harsh whiplash. What the bloody hell was that?= Pulling over to the side of the road, he put the car in park and breathed deeply. Don=t rip their head off mate. This is probably just someone who was talking on their bloody cell phone.= He wouldn=t morph or hit, he would just yell and scream and scare the shit out of them. I hadn=t even been able to find out all the bloody kinks in the car yet.= Getting out of the car, he turned to walk over to the little blue Honda that had crumpled underneath his stang. At least the body of the car wasn=t hurt. They really had out done this car.= Turning his head to the culprit in the other automobile, he decided he would only yell his head off, not scare them. He walked closer to the driver=s side window. And that=s when he died one more time. The culprit wasn=t a culprit. It was Buffy, and she was passed out. He didn=t know what to do. He couldn=t think, let alone call someone. Sinking to his knees beside the car he prayed that she wasn=t dead. His throat was burning him from the inside out. Tears started forming in eyes, unable to keep them out, they rolled down his cheeks. Wiping them away, he got himself together, he had to take care of Buffy. Pushing himself up, he opened her car door. Her unconscious form crumpled to the side, held up only by her seatbelt. He quickly checked her pulse, a smile breaking through his tears, happy to have found one. Unbuckling the belt, he cradled her in his arms, hefting her body out of the car. Walking over to the passenger side of the Mustang, he opened it and gently laid her down, not wanting to jostle anything that could have been broken. After cleaning out her car of anything that might be of value and putting in the trunk of his, he left a note for the police. Hopefully they wouldn=t ask questions and just tow it. The last thing he needed was for the police to get caught up in his life, especially after working with Angel at Wolfrom. He had raided her wallet, trying to find out where she lived. Taking a map out of the backseat, he followed the interstate over to the turn-off that he needed. Going against his pride, he had to still ask for directions. Now, she was stretched out on her bed, fully clothed in her office attire. Frantically running around the spacious apartment, he was able to locate a glass of water, aspirin, and a washcloth. He put the wet cloth on her forehead and walked over to the window. Portland was the last place that he would have thought Buffy would be. It was just so different from Sunnydale. Where Sunnydale was dark and ominous, Portland was calm and beautiful. But I guess that=s why you like it here, huh Goldie?= He threw off his jacket and sat in the chair across from her bed. The fact that Buffy had stumbled into his lap right after he had a very powerful dream of her was too much of a coincidence. The Fates had to have his number or something for they just didn=t want him to be left alone. Guess I=ll have to take it then, I get the bloody hint.= God but was she gorgeous. Even after years of not seeing her, not being able to be with her, she still was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Her golden hair had been kept long, and had spilled over her shoulders and around her head as if it was creating a halo. Her skin was still flawless and had paled a little because she was no longer in sunny California. Yet nothing could take away her flawless beauty. She had filled out in figure and all he could do was stare in wonder at how well it suited her. She was just as pretty skinny as she was now, but her chest, thighs and buttocks had rounded so well that it was all that he could do to not touch her. Sighing, he realized that she still could melt him with one look and mold him with one smile. Hell, one kiss made him hers in everything. She was his world even after a couple of years. After an hour of staring at her, wondering what would happen once she did get up, he went into the living room. Slouching down on Buffy=s cream butter-leather sofa, he turned of the TV. Quickly he flipped through channels, not finding anything interesting. Leaving it on MTV2, he put his arm over his eyes and fell asleep. 


	4. Waking Up to the Truth

Chap 4: Waking Up to the Truth  
  
First cracking one eye open, then the other, Buffy surveyed her surroundings. Okay, so I am in my room, fully clothed, on my bed. What was the last thing that...Oh.= AOh shit.@ Buffy cursed as she remembered the last thing that did happen. AShit shit shit shit shit!@ And I had just gotten that car detailed. Crap.= Standing up, she noticed that standing was not the best choice she could have made. Her head almost exploded with the force of the headache that decided to follow her movement. Oh...ow!= Plopping back down on her bed, she held her head until she felt as though she could lift it without blacking out. As she did raise her head, she noticed that there was a glass of water and two ibuprofen pills on her dresser. Quickly swallowing the tablets, she dowsed the rest of the glass and put it back on the stand. When her head was clear enough to start thinking again, Buffy switched almost immediately to her slayer mode. How did I get here after that crash? Who put the pills next to my bed? And who knew where I lived?= Too many questions poured themselves into her head. Closing her eyes and swallowing, she did a half shake to put those questions aside. Must find out if someone else is still here. Must move.= Opening her eyes back up, she walked over to her door. Turning to check out her living room first, she went down the hall. If her head was hurting, she didn=t feel it. She didn=t feel anything. After turning the corner for her living room, she had lost everything: thought, feeling, taste, breath; everything but sight. The sight of Spike on her couch. He=s dead...no, he can=t be, not if he=s here. But he died...= Buffy=s head was battling with itself. Nothing made sense. He died in Sunnydale. He had to. Tears suddenly swelled up her vision and poured themselves out of her eyes. Maybe this isn=t him. Maybe someone is playing some sick ass joke and it=s really a demon. Yes! That=s it! It has to be a demon!= Wiping away her tears as well as her emotions and every thought she had of Spike, she picked the bat sitting in the corner. Don=t touch, just poke.= Gently she gingered over to where the thing slept. Keeping more than an arm=s length away from the demon, she took the edge of the bat and poked at its arm. Mumbling something about donuts and frogs, the Spike-thing flipped onto its back. Okay, more force...need more force.= Preparing herself for a fight once the beast woke up, Buffy raised her arms and brought the bat down with a loud thwack on its chest.  
  
Pain exploded in his chest. Opening his eyes, all he could see was red. AOW! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT!?@ He sounds like Spike, he looks a lot like Spike. Spike=s dead Buffy, This is NOT Spike.= Raising the bat again, Buffy tilted her chin with courage she didn=t think she had. AWhat are you? Who are you? Who are you working for? I will kick you ass if you try to touch me so just stay right there freak.@ Freak? Did she just call him a freak? ABuffy, put down the bat, it=s me. It=s Spike.@ He tried to reach for the bat while clutching his chest. She jumped out of his range of touch and tightened her grip. ASpike=s dead. I don=t know who the hell you are, but whatever it is, you=re sick. Who do you work for? The Powers? Jurod? Look sir, thing, whatever you are, I haven=t reviewed your case yet, so back off.@ Adrenaline was pumping in her blood, but she didn=t fight, not until this thing made the first move. She had hit a wizard who had looked like Giles before, and he just had the disguise on for protection. No one had bothered to tell her and it had scared the jeebies outta her. After she had flipped out on him, he had needed more than protection. Slayers Inc. had to pay for the damages. ANo love, Buffy, it=s me. Did you get amnesia during the crash? Can=t you tell who I am?@ Couldn=t she tell it was him? What was wrong with her? Like a ton of bricks, it hit him. She thinks you=re dead mate. She doesn=t think it=s you!= AAll I know is that you are not Spike and I am close to beating the stuffing out of you if you don=t tell me who the hell you are!@ Close to hysteria now, she twisted her hands on the bat. Seeing this Spike thing was more than she could bear and she didn=t think she could take it any more. ABuffy, it=s me. Listen, Angel got a hold of the amulet after I died= and Angel Investigations brought me back. It=s me, I swear. Ask me something that only I would know.@ She couldn=t talk. If it really was Spike, why didn=t he call her? Why didn=t Angel call her? Didn=t he love her back in California? Swallowing the lump in her throat, she just stared at him, not sure what to ask or do. ALook, um, when I got that chip in my head, you had to feed me blood in a mug in Giles=s bathtub. And when we first met, I messed up your doily thingies when I crashed through the school window. I always called Dawn, your sister who was really a key to a porthole, Niblit. I told you one night that you made me feel like a man, not a monster. Buffy, can=t you tell that it=s really me?@ Her arms turned limp against her sides. The bat that she had been praying onto dropped useless against her sides. She looked him over: his bleached blond hair that had been slicked back, but now was curly from sleeping on the couch; the sleek hollow of his cheeks; the pursed fullness of his lips; a black tee shirt that covered his chest, yet was tight in the shoulders to show muscle; jeans that covered his long, muscular legs; and DocMarten boots that covered his feet. Raising tear brimmed eyes back to his, she tentatively raised a hand. She wasn=t sure if he would be real or not, but she needed to feel his body under her hand. A cracked sob escaped her lips as she felt just how real he was. It was really him. It was really Spike. Raising her face up to his, she looked him in the eyes, and let the tears spill over. Why didn=t he call her, see her? Why didn=t someone tell her? Had anyone else known of this? How did they get him back? Was he really all here? Was he still a vampire? Where did he go when he died? Did he still know that she loved him as much, maybe more, then she did when he died?= Dropping her hand to her side, she turned her face away from his. AWhere have you been?@ She asked in a low whisper. Trying hard to not cry himself, he dropped his head to his chest and closed his eyes. AWith Angel Investigations. They, um, they work with Wolfrom now, so I=ve had all expenses paid while working with the gang. Buffy I am so sorry I didn=t contact you, I just...@ Slicing her hand up in the air, she turned her head back to face him. AI don=t want to deal with that right now. I=m not sure what to think or do for that matter, but I do know that to see you again hurts. What hurts even more is that I have been silently suffering all this time, dying inside because I haven=t been able to get over you, and you don=t even care.@ The tears that she had been holding back spilled over. She couldn=t take it anymore. She just couldn=t. It was too much to see him now and to be able to be with him. All of her new life came crashing down along with her strong demeanor. His heart broke as he saw her crumble to the floor with the sobs that were racking her body. He sank down to his knees in front of her, unable to touch, for fear of being rejected. ABuffy, I...@ His hands hovered over her body, not sure whether to take the risk or not. Seeing her like this hurt him more than he could have even imagined. It hurt even more to know that he was the one causing it when all he wanted to do was take it away. Standing up, she quickly ran to her room, locking herself inside and sinking to the floor. Her heart was torn, broken, stomped on and forgotten. Heart wrenching sobs carried from her mouth to Spike=s ears, back in the living room. He sat back on his feet, putting his head in his hands. He didn=t know what to do. Should he stay, wait for her to come out, and have her tell him that she didn=t want to see him after all he put her through? Or should he go, leave her in this empty, endless mess, and have her just forget about him? No, you did that before and see where it got you.= Gathering what sense he had left, he stood up and went in front of her bedroom door. He knew better than to knock, so he sat back down and waited. 


	5. Housebroken

Chapter 5: Housebroken  
  
She woke up the next morning on the floor. Propping herself up , she noticed it was around 10 AM. Going to the adjacent bathroom, she undressed and showered, not wanting to dwell on anything. Coming out to her closet, she picked out the simplest thing that could find, a sweater and jean shorts. Preparing herself for whatever was on the other side of her bedroom door, she opened it...and fell flat on her face. She had tripped on Spike, who was laying across her doorway. Turning around, she stared at him. ANot to be harsh, but what the hell put it into your head that it would be a good idea to sleep in front of my door?@ She didn=t care if she was being rude, he had broken her heart and then tripped her...asshole. AI was waiting for you, to make sure I would have the chance to talk with you.@ He understood her attitude, for he deserved it, but he wondered how long it would last. He didn=t want to stay where he wasn=t wanted. ATalk about what?@ She stood up, straightening her clothes. AAbout how you broke my heart not caring how I would feel once you came back? Or how about how you left me, not wanting to know if I was alright or dead, again? Or what about the way that I dreamed of you every night, praying that I could see you one last time? Did you ever think about what your absence has done to me?@ She was yelling now. All the heartbreak she experienced last night was coming back to haunt her. ABuffy I separated myself from you so that this wouldn=t happen.@ He waved his arms around for emphasis. A I didn=t want for you to know that I was back so that you could go on with your life and forget about me. I didn=t want to cause you anymore trouble. I know that I had probably caused you enough pain back in Sunnydale. I didn=t want that to happen again.@ AYou are so stupid! What made you think that after telling you that I loved you that I didn=t want you back? Jesus! Don=t men get it? Love equals good.@ AI wasn=t sure if you really meant it when you said you loved me or if you were just saying it to calm me before I, you know, died.@ He was putting himself on the line, he knew it, but he needed to know if she really did love him. That question had killed him every time he thought about her. AOh Spike.@ She sank back down to the floor. Cupping his face in her hands, she looked him in the eyes. ASpike, William, I love you. Through all that we=ve been through, I love you. There hasn=t been a moment when I haven=t thought about you. It hurt everyday I wasn=t with you. If I wasn=t thinking about you, I was dreaming about you. Not a day has passed without you in it.@ He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in for a kiss. His head was floating as he pressed his lips against hers. All he heard when she was talking to him was her declaration of love and his name. She had used his real name. Everything else became a blur after that. Coaxing her mouth to open, he took her breath away as he kissed her fiercely. Oh God.= Buffy was about to cry at the contact of his lips against hers. Oh how she missed this. He was filling her world completely. She stroked his cheek, his back, arms, and finally held onto his hands as they cupped her face. She was drowning in his touch. When he slowed the kiss down and finally pulled back, it was all she could do not to fall into his arms. Slowly she opened her eyes. He pressed his forehead to hers. Nothing could compare as to what he was feeling right now. Not only did she love him, but she didn=t turn away during their kiss. No, she had reveled in it. A smile broke through his lips as his thumb stroked the side of her face. Her stomach ruined the moment as it grumbled loudly. Blushing, she turned her head away. He grabbed her hand, laughing and started to stand. ACome one love, you need nourishment.@ He tugged her hand, pulling her up against him. Looking into her eyes, he turned and headed for the kitchen. She pulled him back.. AWait, Spike, what does this mean?@ Confusion filled her face as she faced him. What did this leave them with? And he hadn=t announced that he loved her back, so how did he feel? AIt means that we both love each other and are together now.@ AOkay, but what about you? Are you still a vampire? How is this going to work out? I have a serious job now, what=s going to happen?@ Sighing, he realized she was right. As much as he hated going back to reality, she was right. What was going to happen now? And how should he break the news to her that he still was a vampire? ALet=s go into the kitchen where we can sit down and talk.@ As soon as they got into the kitchen, Spike hissed and retracted back. Buffy=s window was open with the blinds up. Looking at him with knowing eyes, she turned and pulled the blinds down. AI guess that answers that question.@ She pulled out a chair for him to sit and went about making coffee and a bowl of cereal. Cooking was just too much today. He was silent the whole time she fixed her breakfast. Sitting down herself, she started to eat, looking at him while she did. ASo, what=s going to happen now? I mean are you going to stay here? Go away again? What?@ Spike cringed at the harshness of her last question. AIf it=s alright with you, I would like to stay here. Buffy, you know I love you. Why would I want to leave now that you know I=m back? And I guess we are just going to have to see what happens. However, I=m not about to become a bloody housewife poof while you are at work.@ Buffy snorted as she thought of Spike in a frilly, pink apron. AOkay, so no poofy housewife person. Got it, check. But I only work 5 days a week, and I work from 8-2. So I won=t be gone long. Thank God today=s Saturday though. Otherwise I would have had to call Xander.@ She mumbled the last bit to herself, thinking out loud. AYou work with Xander?@ Jealousy started to pump in his veins. Maybe Buffy had gone off and become a couple with Xander when he was away. He liked Xander enough, but hell, he did always have a thing for Buffy. AYeah. I asked him to start a business with me.@ She then proceeded to tell him all about how she had moved after what had happened in Sunnydale, the money, and moving here. Then how they developed a business from all the new slayers in the world. It was booming and she didn=t hide the pride in her voice as she gabbed about how well it was doing. Spike puffed with pride also at how she had managed. She had had nothing, not even her birth certificate papers, and now she was the head of a major investigations team. Angel better watch out. ASo, um...how did you get back? I mean, where were you?@ She had blurted the question out, dying with curiosity to know. AUm, well, I don=t really remember that much. You know the time that you talked to me outside of the Magic Box? All that stuff you said about how happy it was and how you felt loved? It was kinda like that, although it was more like I was in a happy solitude. I mean, all I was loved by was down here, on earth.@ He stopped, holding what non-breath he had. AOh. Well, um...@ She wasn=t sure what to say. Her bust of love earlier had come with the moment, but now she was unsure of herself. Still scared about what he would say and if he really did stick around this time. She wanted to play it safe until she knew for sure. ALook Buffy, I know that you are probably...@ Her phone ringing stopped Spike in midsentence. Quizzical about who would call her on her off day, she picked it up with a tentative, AHello?@ ABuffy, oh thank God you=re there. There=s been a breakthrough with this Jurod character. It turns out his past deal was dealing with black magic and opening up something called the Women of Kristale=. It was this group of women who, through the power of Kristales, stones that they created, they were able to manipulate people through magic. They were very powerful and were once looked on upon as Gods back before Christ was born. The problem with our little fellow, Jurod, is that the person he was having a deal with wanted him to find all 6 stones. The stones hold different powers: ability to clone, mind control, copy, and so on. Jurod said no, the goodie goodie he is, and left, seeking protection. That=s where he ended up with us.@ A Great, so now we have both strong Goddess powers and demon powers to deal with. Well, we already took him in so there=s no point in casting him out. Call Willow and tell her we need her help. Get her to teleport if it=s possible.@ AOkay, but there=s something else. The person he made a deal with, we can=t find anything on them. There=s no documentation, video, pics, nothing. And more than likely, this thing, person, whatever, knows that you are head of Slayers Inc. and protecting Jurod. If I were you, I=d look out for anything suspicious. Better yet, stay home until we can get further info. No reason fro you to die for the umpteenth time.@ AGreat, thanks Xan.@ She hung up the phone and turned toward Spike. ADon=t tell me, you have to leave and you want me to leave also.@ AActually, no, I need you to stay here, as it seems as though I am under housearrest.@ 


	6. Game of Chance

Chapter 6: Game of Chance  
  
AGot any 5s?@ AGo fish.@ They had been playing cards since they got up that morning. Yep,= thought Spike, endless and endless cards. I haven=t been this bloody bored since Dru made me have tea with her and her dolls.= Looking across from him at the silent beauty, he reassured himself that the company was infantly more better. AHah! Outta cards. You=re out loser!@ Buffy made a little victory dance which more or less looked like she was trying to scratch her butt on the seat by wiggling in it. ACan we please play something else? Not that I don=t love spending the rest of my existence playing Go Fish, but Christ Buffy. I know your TV works. You wanna watch some of that?@ The end of his sentence was raised by the hope in his voice over the possibility of doing something, anything besides cards. AFine, but I don=t know what=s on right now since I only have that thing for movies and the news. I=m gonna go fix me something to eat.@ Plopping down on the couch, Spike made himself comfortable. He picked up the remote and started flipping through channels. Crap, crap, crap...Ooo. Springer.= Buffy, done with her snack, came back to AIs your mate a demon in disguise?@. AHar dee har har Buddy. We are so NOT watching Springer, especially one that relates to my love life in general. Give me the remote.@ She held out her hand for him to pass it over. ANo,@ Spike pouted, AI wanna watch Springer, I like it when he makes fun of them without them knowing it.@ He tucked the remote under his arms and crossed them. ADon=t make me beat the crap out of you for it. You know I can.@ She took a threatening step forward. AOh please. You haven=t had a good fight in so long you probably don=t even remember where the heart is.@ AYou so asked for it.@ She pounced. Spike was ready however and tucked the remote in between the couch cushions when she wasn=t looking. Hands free, he picked her up and locked her arms around her back. AReally tough, huh? I guess it kind of makes you sad when...@ He didn=t get to finish his sentence because she had managed to swipe her leg around and caused his knees to buckle. They both landed on the ground with a thud. Buffy quickly scampered up to the couch, frantically searching for the remote. AOh no you don=t.@ Spike snaked his arm around her middle and pulled her back on the ground with him. He then pinned her beneath him. Taking his extra hand, he found the ticklish spot right under her right breast and made her cry for mercy. He was genuinely having fun. He hadn=t laughed in a long time, and seeing Buffy squirm for release from her tickling spree made him join in. Soon he let loose and let her calm down. When she had caught her breath, they both became serious. He was on top of her and she wasn=t pushing him off. Knowing that it was a bad idea, Buffy put her hands on his chest, spreading her fingers wide to feel all him. Spike wasn=t sure if she was going to get ready to push him off or pull him in. Praying in his head, he braced him arms on either side of her head and leaned in closer. Searching her face with questioning eyes, he slowly inched in closer. As a sign of accepting, Buffy raised her head and made contact with their mouths. She sighed in contact, he moaned. As they explored each other, Buffy=s hands started to knead Spike=s chest. The teasing of nibbling his lips and firm press of Buffy against him made Spike grind himself into Buffy=s pelvis. Instead of receiving the shove that he had expected, Buffy brought up her knee so that he could have easier access. Touch me, I need you to touch me.= Buffy could hardly stand the fact that there were clothes in her way. All she could think about was the feel of his cool skin against her body, the chills he sent down her spine every time his hands grazed her. ASpike.@ His name was a sigh against his mouth. Moving her hands for more freedom, she roamed his back, down to his butt, up again for his arms. She touched him everywhere and anywhere. Growing bold, she snuck her hands under his shirt. Cool, smooth skin came in contact with warm, seeking hands. She caressed his sides, shoulders, and dipped to stroke the outside of his abs. Spike was already hard and pulsating against her leg. It was all he could do not to rip her shorts in two and take her there on the floor. But it had been too long. He wouldn=t do it like this, not on the floor on her apartment, while she would be only half clothed. No,= he thought, she needs to be worshiped and stoked; kissed and licked.= Tucking his head into her neck, he breathed in her scent. ABuffy, do you want to continue this?@ Her thoughts slowly came back to reality as he asked her a question that he had never asked before. Before, they had just fondled and did it. No real talking, no real touching, just need. Did she want to do this, actually do this? Now that they were both aware of what they were doing, something was going to change. Especially since she reclaimed her love. Swallowing and licking her lips, she turned her mouth towards his ear. AYes.@ She breathed the word into his ear, as if it would disappear onto the air around them. He let out a breath he hadn=t known he had been holding. Standing up with his arousal evident even in jeans, he held out his hand. She clasped his in answer and stood up with him. Staring into her eyes once more, he turned and led her towards her bedroom. Reaching over towards the switch, he turned off the lights. A soft glow emulated from the bay and city across the water, sending the room into soft shadows and magic. Pulling her to the edge of the bed, he turned her towards him. With her knees pressed against the mattress, he began to kiss her again. Not forceful or needy this time, but slowly, softly, so soft, she was afraid that he wasn=t touching her at all. After showing her with his mouth what he intended to do, he put his hands under her shirt. Slowly pulling it up, he looked into her eyes, love and devotion pouring out of them. Tonight was about showing what he felt for her, and hopefully, she would show it in return. It was a chance he was willing to take. Letting the material go over her head and onto the floor, she proceeded to do the same to him. Sliding her hands along his stomach and shoulders as she did so, she could feel her arousal pool in her as she retook in his perfect body. Meeting his eyes with desire and love, she gave him what he needed. They both reached for each other=s pants. Unbuckling them at the same time, the garments dropped to the floor. Buffy blushed as she remembered that Spike was never one to wear boxers or briefs and let her gaze rest on his shaft for a second. When she looked back up, Spike was smiling. ANo need to be bashful now love, we haven=t even done the fun part yet.@ He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her neck. His hands slid down her shoulders to the clasp on her bra. Undoing it with amazing skill, even for a guy, he slid the scrap of silk to the floor. Gently, he pushed her back onto the bed, closely following. Sliding himself on top of her, he kissed her again with the same tenderness. ASpike, I...@ AShh love, no talking tonight, only showing.@ She gazed into his eyes and brought his face towards hers with gentle tenderness. She proceeded to kiss his eyes, nose, forehead, mouth, chin and finally his neck. There she slid her tongue out and tasted his scent. Lightly grazing his pulse with her teeth, she sucked at the skin, knowing how to make him squirm against her in anticipation. Moving her attention, she kissed down his arms, reaching his hands. Bringing his hand to her mouth, she locked eye contact with him. Sucking a finger into her softness, she watched as his eyes rolled back into his head, lost in the feeling of her blissful heat. Screw it.= Spike pulled his finger out of her mouth and pulled her underpants off. Imitating what they did on the floor, he braced his arms against the sides of her head. He whispered in her ear that he loved her and inched in. Bloody hell.= She was wet, dripping with arousal. His cold dick was engulfed by heat. Biting his lower lip to keep from crying out and coming right then and there, he pulled out to the tip. He then plunged back in with force. Buffy cried out in the contact of his coolness and her heat. Nothing felt better than him inside her. The fullness of it, the fact that this time he was taking it slow. Tears quickly formed in her eyes as she realized that he was making love to her. She kissed him all over. Bringing her legs up and wrapping around his waist, she drew him in deeper. Everything felt complete, right again. Spike was forgetting who he was. All he could focus on was the shining goddess in his arms. He kissed her, caressed her, cherished her. She was his everything and anything. The rhythm that he had accommodated to was speeding up. He noticed that he was close to coming and wanted her to go over the edge with him. Bracing his weight onto one arm, he dipped his hand down to her clit. Knowing just how to tweak it, pull it, and rub it, he quickly brought her to orgasm. That=s when he allowed himself to plunge inside of her with forceful, fast strokes. Depleting himself, he collapsed on top of her. He turned his head to the side of her neck and licked the sweat and pulse that was there. Buffy slowly came back down from heaven. That was like nothing she had ever felt. Wrapping her arms around his frame, she hugged him tight, not wanting him to leave again. AI love you@, she whispered. He picked his head up and pressed his forehead against hers. AI love you Buffy.@ He kissed her again with gentle, coaxing lips. He rolled to the side, taking her with him. Cupping her body against his, he pulled the now messed up covers over them. After telling her how much he worshiped her and how he would never leave her again, Buffy fell asleep in his arms. Letting himself go also, both lovers entered dreamless, heavy sleep. 


	7. In a Different Light

Chapter 7: In a Different Light  
  
He woke up in pain. Scrambling up and away from the sun=s morning rays, he inched his way over to the window. Watching what went where, he pulled the drapes closed. When he turned back to the bed, Buffy=s eyes were opening. He walked back over and got in beside her, pulling her closer to him, and propping his head onto his hand. AGood morning sleeping beauty.@ Even though her hair was half covering her face and she had made a little drool spot next to the pillow, he still thought she was the sexiest thing alive...or dead. AHello prince charming.@ Smiling, she yawned, and then scampered to pull the sheet up. She realized that she had horrible morning breath and made it so that the sheet covered half her face. AAre we playing muppets or something? What are you doing?@ Spike smiled at how weird she looked, and also how embarrassed. What did she have to be embarrassed about? They had made love last night, and now she wanted to shy away. Weird. AI have bad breath.@ Which came out more like, AI haf bad beef@ because of the covers. Knowing that he didn=t understand her, she cupped her hand over her mouth in stead of the cover. AI have bad breath,@ she repeated. AAh. So go take care of so I can have you back in my arms.@ He pushed out of the bed, urging her towards the bathroom. While Buffy was brushing her teeth, she couldn=t help but feel off at how Spike was now acting. It was different to have him be so nice and joking with her. Tapping the brush on the sink, she walked back to the bed.  
  
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she looked at him. He caught her gaze, and she shied away, smiling. Looking out the window she sighed. AWhat is it love?@ Spike was concerned. Even when they had fight-sex she never looked away and pretended to be ok. Either she was mad and showed it, or she ran, and with what they just did, he didn=t think she would go through the options. ANothing...well...I dunno.@ She shrugged. A I guess it=s just different now that we=re not fighting and yelling and stuff. I mean it=s new to me to have you be playful and caring and stuff and for everything not to go all psycho because of it.@ She looked back at him. Spike held his tongue not to say that she was the one who went all psycho and stuff=. ABuffy, things were different then, more hard to understand. Isn=t everything more clear now and shouldn=t it just be taken in?@ She smiled, AYeah, you=re right.@ Crawling up to the pillows, she scooted in beside him. ABloody hell woman! Your feet are freezing!@ AOh what difference does it make to you? You=re already cold.@ AThat doesn=t mean I can=t tell temperature.@ AWell then you=re just going to have to wait until they warm back up.@ Grinning, he turned to be on top of her. AOr I could just help you warm them up now.@ Giving her a mischievous, tongue biting grin, he inched his way to her stomach. 


	8. Meeting Old Friends

Chapter 8: Meeting Old Friends  
  
The lovers were interrupted during their game of Monopoly when the phone rang. AI=ll get it!@ Buffy scrambled up off the floor in the living room where she was kicking Spike=s ass with her hotels. ANo cheating by taking extra money!@ She yelled as she sashayed to the phone. AWhat are you gonna do? Lose to me in a fight again? Big Bad=s got all the moves.@ He made a bring it on gesture and bit his tongue. Doing that made Buffy remember what that tongue was doing only and hour before. Clearing her throat, she answered the phone. AHello?@ AHey Buffs, we found some more info on our guy and it=s a good thing you stayed home. The shady character who Jurod was dealing with is no more than Frith himself. You remember him don=t you? He was apart of case #78. He burned someone from the inside out, tried to kill the Kitochk demon who came to us, it took all four of our teams to make him leave town, yada yada yada.@ AYuck, big nasty smelly guy is back? God he stank. And he was really ugly too. And he was a cheater. And...@ Xander cut her off. AYes, thank you for the visuals Buffy. Anyway, he=s back and this time he wants the Kristales. Since Jurod=s been in our recovery areas, he=s been having nightmares. I think he can see all that Frith is doing. You know, like all his kills and stuff, only he can=t see the future, just the things happening at the moment.@ AXan, how do you know this for sure? I mean, yeah, we can protect this guy still, but how do you know that he=s not just leading Frith to Slayers?@ ABuffy, this guy is in no condition to take on anything, magic or otherwise. Besides, there was a report in today=s paper about a woman and her child being killed near the old railroad tracks. Guess who is our #1 suspect?@ AFrith.@ AYou got it cutie. So, stay inside until I can get everyone to come back from their different jobs and we=ll come and get you later tonight. You ready for some patrolling?@ AAnytime. Um, Xan, there=s something I need to tell you, and it=s not easy.@ AGood, then tell me later. I have to go right now, Jurod=s having another episode. Bye.@ Buffy stared at the dead receiver in her hand. ABye@, she mumbled. What is it with guys and ending conversations?= Turning back to Spike, she noticed that he was straightening out the bills in the Bank. AAnd just what pray tell are you doing?@ ANothing that your pretty head of yours is thinking of, I was just bored and decided to straighten up the money, that=s all.@ He picked up the dice off the board and rolled. AAh, St. James. Let=s see, I have four houses and a hotel on that, pay up sweetheart.@ He smiled big just and put out his hand, wanting to piss her off. AWait, I don=t think that you had that many. You cheated! You cheated you cheated you cheated!@ Reaching across and grabbing his money, she counted it. AAnd you even took three $500 bills!@ In a state of shock, she just stared. That was when she got hit with the couch pillow. ASo what if I did? What you gonna do about it shorty?@ Raising up to stand on his knees, Spike prepared to attack again. Buffy however, grabbed his legs and pushed forward, sending him to the ground and her on top. AI intend to make you pay.@ She straddled his waist. AOh? And what exactly does that entail?@ AWell let=s see, there was the stealing of the money, the stealing of the hotels, hitting me with a pillow, and then there was the horrendous, and might I say hypocritical, comment about my height. I=d think that you are in for some tough times mister.@ Stating her point, she put her arms on her hips. Putting his own behind his head, he smiled and looked up at her. AAnd how do you plan on taking out this punishment?@ She leaned in close to his face. He could feel her breath upon his lips. ABy teasing you until you cry for mercy of course.@  
  
Two hours, one empty bottle of chocolate syrup, a bath, and more ruined sheets later, Spike admitted that she had done a good job of teasing. The first fifteen minutes were fine. Then she started to get off on him, and left him with his own lust to take care of. That=s when he grabbed her hips and impaled herself onto him. She didn=t let him take control for very long though. That was when she laid him on the bed and started to use the Hershey=s chocolate syrup that was in her fridge. He mouth drove him insane. Taking it slow afterwards, they proceeded to her giant sized tub where they made love. One thing Spike was certain of, he had never had it so good or been so happy his whole life. He didn=t think or dream about anything but the two of them. When they weren=t joking or playing they were exploring each other=s bodies and telling of how much they loved each other. Now, being able to just hold Buffy in his arms, he felt invincible, complete. Buffy was just about to go to sleep when her doorbell rang. AOh shit. I forgot that Xander was coming over.@ Scrambling out of the bed, she frantically searched for her earlier jean shorts and sweatshirt. AJust stay in here until I tell him everything, then I=ll come and get you.@ She ran out of the room. Spike sat on the bed, hurt. He knew that it wasn=t like it was before, that she wasn=t ashamed of being with him and that she would tell Xander right away, but, damn it all, it still hurt. Throwing back the covers, he stood up and picked his jeans up off the floor. Zipping them up, he stood to look out onto the balcony. The sun had set about half an hour ago, back when she was still in his arms, when the world hadn=t barged in.  
  
Smiling, she opened the door and saw her long time companion and friend. She hugged him fiercely and invited him inside. Pointing to the couch, she sat down next to him. AXan, there=s something I need to tell you.@ She took a deep breath. A And I need you to not freak out or talk until I=m done.@ AGreat, so this is a bad thing. Fun.@ Rubbing his hands together he told her to start. For the next 45 minutes, Buffy proceeded to tell him how she had been always thinking of Spike, ever since he died, the dream she had of him, the crash, and finally, what had been going on the last 2 days.  
  
Back on the balcony, Spike heard every word Buffy said. Not only was he thankful for his supernatural senses, but also for the fact that Buffy had left a living room window open. He had heard her confession of holding onto his memory since he died, the weird, vivid dream she had had of him, the blackout during the crash, and the moments they had recently shared. If Spike thought that she was ashamed of him before, all of his negative thoughts vanished with the blowing breeze. Not only was she declaring to Xander that she loved him, but she was actually bragging about how well he took care of her and everything he had done to make her happy now.  
  
ABuffy I=m happy for you, I really am. But does he still have his chip now? Is he feeding and causing people to die? I know that you love Spike, hell, it=s hard for me not to love him too after what he did, but we need to know for sure. I don=t want you or anybody else getting hurt because he can=t control himself.@ Buffy looked down at her hands. AI haven=t thought about that. He hasn=t left me since the crash, so he hasn=t fed yet. Hold on. I=ll talk to him and bring him out.@ As she opened her bedroom door, Spike was waiting for her on her bed. AI, um, I heard everything you told Xander.@ AOh, well then you know what I am about to ask you.@ AYes. And the answer is no, I haven=t taken anyone=s life since I=ve come back. I still feed yes, but I don=t drink till the death. I mainly drink pig=s blood and other stuff. I only drink a human if I am in dire need.@ He stared into her eyes with truth showing in his face. ABuffy I would never lie to you, not now, not after we=ve found each other again. You have my word that I will not take a human life.@ AThen I believe you. But know that Xander will be a little shaky at first. You=re still a vampire in his eyes. One that, even though you saved the world, still tried to kill him before.@ She walked over to him and took his hands into her own. ABut know this: I will never doubt you unless you give me reason to. I love you with everything I have and I=m not going to give up on you or dump you for some stupid job or biased friends.@ She leaned down and kissed his eyes. Pulling him towards the door, she tossed over her shoulder, ABesides, Xander didn=t like Angel or really Riley for that matter. So you shouldn=t be any different.@ Great. Peaches and Solider Boy didn=t make it either, so what does that mean?= Spike kept his thoughts to himself. Bracing for the worst, he put on a straight face and walked out to the living room. ASo, does he?@ Xander blurted out his question, not caring for formalities.  
  
ANo. And for future reference, we make with the nice first.@ Buffy stopped her and Spike in front of Xander who was now standing. Surprising the two lovers, Xander reached over and hugged Spike. AThanks for what you did back there man. I don=t care if I won=t trust you in a minute. I just have to tell you that I appreciate what you did for everybody.@ He pulled back and gave a tight smile. AUh, yeah, sure, no problem.@ Spike was just as shaken up as Buffy, but was also in awe. Xander had never respected him before. This was new. AAnyway, Buff, I got the girls waiting downstairs in the vans for us. We got a tracker on him through MonsterQuest. Ready?@ AYeah. Let=s get this over with.@ With that, the three warriors left while Buffy filled Spike in on the new case and Firth. 


End file.
